Yes. There are also cookies.
Of course!
lol (not)
Only if you want to look trendy and cool.
No. You can use Free software on a brushed metal MacBook.
I know it's boring. Take an old tower PC and stick in in an old wine crate and put it under your desk.
Black thinkpads are astonishingly resistant and compatible and cheap when secondhand. And the red little joystick in the keyboard worth a try.